Remember when we were young and the plotlines of movies seemed so fantastical that they could never happen in real life? Sure, there were some movies that could totally happen (e.g. Stand By Me, Revenge of the Nerds, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure), but as children of the 80’s we lived – for the most part – in a world of complete fantasy. Films like Gremlins, SpaceCamp, and Red Dawn held us spellbound and let our imaginations soar. We often lay in bed at night, wondering if we would be brave enough to throw a gremlin in a blender, or whether we were small enough to fit between the struts to retrieve the oxygen tanks from the space station so we could return safely to earth.
I am almost ashamed to say that the first piece of fiction I ever wrote (and never saw light of day) was based entirely on the adventures of me and my friends fighting a guerilla war against communists in the front lines of their invasion. Naturally, this invasion would start in West-Central Minnesota, where I lived. Me and my band of nine fellow fighters wreaked havoc on the commies’ supply lines and foraged for food from friendly farm folk. The team consisted of me, my two best friends N. Ba and N.Ke, my little brother, and the five girls I happened to have huge crushes on at the time. Of course, being a liberated fellow even then, I wrote that the girls all pulled their own weight – serving either as snipers or ninjas. Of course, we totally came out victorious in the end, thanks to my brilliant tactical leadership*, N. Ke's mastery of science**, and N.Ba’s apparently god-given ability to drive the Russian tank we found in a garage***.
But even I knew that the whole idea was not realistic. I knew that unlike in Red Dawn a team of teenagers would get utterly wiped out by any red army commandos. So I never tried to actually put it into practice. But apparently this “fantasy vs. reality” thing is harder to keep straight than I thought, considering the case of this guy, who apparently believes that Mannequin is not only real – but a perfectly logical way to get laid. I bet he was thinking “If I boink her enough times, she’ll turn into Kim Cattrall! I just know it!”.
Only in the upper Midwest…
* Which I ascribe to my regular viewing of A-Team, where I learned to appreciate it when a plan comes together
**No doubt learned from all the episodes of MacGuyver and Mr. Wizard
***Yeah...probably more A-Team here - what *couldn't* B.A. drive?
I am almost ashamed to say that the first piece of fiction I ever wrote (and never saw light of day) was based entirely on the adventures of me and my friends fighting a guerilla war against communists in the front lines of their invasion. Naturally, this invasion would start in West-Central Minnesota, where I lived. Me and my band of nine fellow fighters wreaked havoc on the commies’ supply lines and foraged for food from friendly farm folk. The team consisted of me, my two best friends N. Ba and N.Ke, my little brother, and the five girls I happened to have huge crushes on at the time. Of course, being a liberated fellow even then, I wrote that the girls all pulled their own weight – serving either as snipers or ninjas. Of course, we totally came out victorious in the end, thanks to my brilliant tactical leadership*, N. Ke's mastery of science**, and N.Ba’s apparently god-given ability to drive the Russian tank we found in a garage***.
But even I knew that the whole idea was not realistic. I knew that unlike in Red Dawn a team of teenagers would get utterly wiped out by any red army commandos. So I never tried to actually put it into practice. But apparently this “fantasy vs. reality” thing is harder to keep straight than I thought, considering the case of this guy, who apparently believes that Mannequin is not only real – but a perfectly logical way to get laid. I bet he was thinking “If I boink her enough times, she’ll turn into Kim Cattrall! I just know it!”.
Only in the upper Midwest…
* Which I ascribe to my regular viewing of A-Team, where I learned to appreciate it when a plan comes together
**No doubt learned from all the episodes of MacGuyver and Mr. Wizard
***Yeah...probably more A-Team here - what *couldn't* B.A. drive?
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