It appears that I’m the last person to read about the Best Buy customer who got jerked around by their installation department that he decided to pay his fees entirely with $2 bills. Before I go any farther, I have to confess that I loathe Best Buy. I think they are a pack of yipping vampire hyenas that lope across the American retail savannah trying to drain the blood of its fat and ignorant herds of wandering consumers. My stance on Best Buy may shock some of you who are aware of my strong love for any business headquartered in Minnesota. This is why I choose Caribou Coffee over Starbucks, Target over Wal-Mart, Dairy Queen over Baskin Robbins, 3M over whomever-they-compete-against-but-sheesh-can-you-think-of-a-particular-company-I-sure-can’t.
Admittedly, I used to be a supporter of Best Buy until repeated exposure to the absolute ignorance of their staff and complete and utter failure to train any of them in what makes a particular product with the extra money finally cracked me when one of their “ASS-ociates” actually removed the stereo I was buying from my cart and took it away because I wouldn’t buy the service plan. The dialogue was priceless:
BB Ass: [Blocking exit from the stereo aisle with his body] So, do you need a service plan with that?
Me: Um…no, not really, thank you.
BB Ass: Really? Because it’s only $50 for three years.
Me: [Pausing to consider whether I could get up enough speed to run him over with the shopping cart in the mere 2 feet separating him from the cart] I’m really not interested thank you.
BB Ass: Why don’t you want to buy the service plan?
Me: [Thinking I’ll try to use logic] Well, I think it’s a waste of money to buy insurance for a brand new item that is already covered by a manufacturer’s warranty anyway.
BB Ass: [Activating his built-in logic shield] Well, that doesn’t cover everything you know. Like these CD changers? They break all the time.
My Friend: [Gives me a look] So, you’re saying that this stereo is going to break? Are you selling bad merchandise then? Why sell it if you know it’s going to break?
Me: [Understanding “the look”] You’re right, hey thanks for telling me buddy. Now I just won’t buy it at all. You’ve saved me $300 bucks, thanks!
BB Ass: [Not understanding the look at all…actually, not understanding much of anything by that point and realizing he needs to get help] Is it that it’s too much money for the service plan? Let me go talk to the manager about it…
At that point the BB Ass reached down and took the stereo out of my cart, turned around and walked back into the electronics department. My friend and I just looked at each other and then decided to leave. We left the empty cart blocking the aisle too, so that the BB Ass could deal with it. I just lived with my old stereo for another couple years. And it was fine, but that’s probably because it didn’t have a CD changer to begin with. If it had one, I’m sure it would have tried to kill me in my sleep.
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