I’m coming to you live today from Elmhurst, IL – reporting the latest on the devastating remnants of Hurricane Dennis that are currently lashing the north coast with winds up to 14 miles per hour and a blinding drizzle that has sent unprepared residents scurrying for shelter.
“It’s ridiculous how there was no warning whatsoever,” said one resident of Chicago’s Bucktown neighborhood, “you think there’d be some sort of notice when a hurricane hits Illinois. I nearly forgot my umbrella at home, I mean, it’s not like I really need it I suppose but still, what if all the drizzle collects on the leaves of trees and then forms big splotchy drops of water that hit me on the head? What then? Where is your precious color-coded homeland security warning system then, huh? HUH!?!”
But really, in weather catastrophes like this, it’s the children and small animals who suffer. Think of how all the kids at Six Flags in Gurnee will have to wait a whole 5 more seconds to get strapped into Superman The Ride while their mom dries off their seat. Imagine the cries of the Lincoln Park Trixies who will have to go an entire day without laying out to sun themselves on the beach! Think of all the migratory birds who will have to waste an entire day waiting out the stor…oh, wait…they just left. Still, oh the humanity!
Well, now that’s over I think I’m pretty much qualified to work on the Weather Channel now. All I have to do is sit here and wait for the call from their recruitment director. Look for me as a maternity replacement on TWC soon!
“It’s ridiculous how there was no warning whatsoever,” said one resident of Chicago’s Bucktown neighborhood, “you think there’d be some sort of notice when a hurricane hits Illinois. I nearly forgot my umbrella at home, I mean, it’s not like I really need it I suppose but still, what if all the drizzle collects on the leaves of trees and then forms big splotchy drops of water that hit me on the head? What then? Where is your precious color-coded homeland security warning system then, huh? HUH!?!”
But really, in weather catastrophes like this, it’s the children and small animals who suffer. Think of how all the kids at Six Flags in Gurnee will have to wait a whole 5 more seconds to get strapped into Superman The Ride while their mom dries off their seat. Imagine the cries of the Lincoln Park Trixies who will have to go an entire day without laying out to sun themselves on the beach! Think of all the migratory birds who will have to waste an entire day waiting out the stor…oh, wait…they just left. Still, oh the humanity!
Well, now that’s over I think I’m pretty much qualified to work on the Weather Channel now. All I have to do is sit here and wait for the call from their recruitment director. Look for me as a maternity replacement on TWC soon!
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My address: myfirstinitialmylastname at wisc dot edu.