Okay, okay, so I took a day off. Sorry about that, but really, if my missing a day is the reason for all the stress in your life, you’re living a pretty good life.
One of the advantages of having a Yahoo! email account is that you get to do a quick glance-over of the news when you log in. The news section is actually pretty good, but my favorite part is the “Most Popular” tab, where you can see the stories and pictures being viewed the most, emailed the most, and which ones are “most recommended” by readers. I love it because it’s such a succinct daily measure of the current American pop-culture Zeitgeist. And since it’s always being updated by whatever people are viewing at the time you get to see what Americans prioritize.
But over the last few months that I’ve been paying attention, I’ve noticed several things that are always popular, and that therefore probably say something about the readers. At any time, on the list of most popular photos, there will be at least two pictures of hot women, one picture of someone acting stupid, 2-3 pictures of animals acting cute, and at least one celebrity. Certain events are also exceedingly popular: fashion shows (especially when nipples are visible), beach volleyball (for some reason), and the birth of baby animals in zoos.
Sometimes I want to write my own captions though. I think I could be more descriptive or interesting than the dull bits the current writers put together. For example:
“Scandal rocks CBS Television’s ‘INXS: Rock Star’ when Chucky the Koala lost this week allegedly due to hackers shutting down the entire Australian phone system. Millions of wombats claim disenfranchisement and demand a re-vote.”
“An unidentified US Marshal is shown taking Wilbur the Pig into custody earlier today after a warrant was issued for his arrest. A grand jury investigation has shown that his come-from-behind victory in the state fair livestock competition was in part due to what investigators are calling ‘outside interference’. Fraud charges are pending”.
One of the advantages of having a Yahoo! email account is that you get to do a quick glance-over of the news when you log in. The news section is actually pretty good, but my favorite part is the “Most Popular” tab, where you can see the stories and pictures being viewed the most, emailed the most, and which ones are “most recommended” by readers. I love it because it’s such a succinct daily measure of the current American pop-culture Zeitgeist. And since it’s always being updated by whatever people are viewing at the time you get to see what Americans prioritize.
But over the last few months that I’ve been paying attention, I’ve noticed several things that are always popular, and that therefore probably say something about the readers. At any time, on the list of most popular photos, there will be at least two pictures of hot women, one picture of someone acting stupid, 2-3 pictures of animals acting cute, and at least one celebrity. Certain events are also exceedingly popular: fashion shows (especially when nipples are visible), beach volleyball (for some reason), and the birth of baby animals in zoos.
Sometimes I want to write my own captions though. I think I could be more descriptive or interesting than the dull bits the current writers put together. For example:
“Bush Spokesbull describes plan for America’s Working Poor”
“Scandal rocks CBS Television’s ‘INXS: Rock Star’ when Chucky the Koala lost this week allegedly due to hackers shutting down the entire Australian phone system. Millions of wombats claim disenfranchisement and demand a re-vote.”
“An unidentified US Marshal is shown taking Wilbur the Pig into custody earlier today after a warrant was issued for his arrest. A grand jury investigation has shown that his come-from-behind victory in the state fair livestock competition was in part due to what investigators are calling ‘outside interference’. Fraud charges are pending”.
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