Obviously, we'd be able to see their egret-rifles in winter, unless they wrapped them in toilet paper like the kids in Red Dawn

I was leaving work last night when I saw the familiar white body of an egret lying in the grass across the road into the parking lot from work. This should not have surprised me that much as we have a large wetland/retention pond just south of the company building where one would assume egrets would hang out, playing egret games and talking about egret politics. I was saddened that this one egret, who perhaps had just been elected as ambassador to humankind for all egretland. And as soon as he comes up the hill from the swamp to assume his office, bringing all sorts of opportunities for cultural exchange, he gets hit by a car driven by one of our employees on their way home at the end of the day.

I was saddened by the lost opportunity, but more worried that with our obvious assassination of their elected representative, the egret nation would declare war on us in general. Considering that winter was just around the corner, this would be particularly dangerous, since with their white plumage, they are capable of blending into a snowy background almost perfectly, until their targets are well in range of their razor-sharp bills and mad yellow eyes.

But then once I crossed the road I discovered that it was in fact not an egret, but rather a sandbag from the construction crews. So much for a war on extremist long-legged waterfowl, but I still pondered the implications of interspecies warfare all the way home. And I think the sandbag was looking at me funny...

On another note, the “email us” website of BUPA International (a company that provides health insurance for expatriates) has quite possibly, the most comprehensive title listing I’ve ever seen. For example, it includes titles for “Viscountess”, “Master”, and “Brigadier”. However, it fails to include a mention of “President”. Therefore, I can only assume that they do not believe in democracy and freedom – and thusly are undoubtedly a terrorist organization. The fact that they also are missing the titles of “Radical Imam”, “Iron Sheik”, and “Glorious Martyr Who Shall Not Rest Until the Infidels Have Collapsed Under the Weight of their Own Decadence” is obviously a weak attempt to hide their true intentions of spreading their evil-doer ways across the cyber-world.

Don’t worry however, I’ve already notified the president and have been assured that we will be invading the BUPA website as soon as we figure out a way to turn marines into a series of ones and zeros.