Double-Ew-Seven

Like most straight men, I'm not entirely confident discussing whether another guy is "good looking". It'gs not a homophobic thing, I simply lack the ability to figure out whether some dude is "hot" by modern standards. I can make guesses, based on comparisons to other known "hot guy" benchmarks such as Brad Pitt vs Ron Jeremy. But that's it - they are just guesses. I'm the first to admit this about myself. Sometimes it seems that this puts me at a disadvantage compared to other, more qualified judges of hot guyness. Those actually interested in pursuing hot guys (most of the ladies and those men of the Fab Five persuasion) have it much easier.

The worst thing about being a hot guy judge poser is that sometimes my set of rules for estimating male hotness fails miserably, and then I spend a week or so trying to figure out where I went wrong. For example, the new Bond was just announced last week as a british actor by the name of Daniel Craig. I am not in any way familiar with his work, but he scores points for being actually british. Had the producers picked Hugh Jackman (australian) or god forbid Goran Vinsjic (croatian) they would have lost the whole british essence of the franchise.

That said, my biggest surprise was actually that this Craig guy seems to lack any sort of sex appeal. I mean to expect the ladies to go from Pierce Brosnan to this guy?

Seems like a bit of a reach. Even Timothy Dalton to this guy would be a dropoff. Heck, in the world of secret agents Leslie Nielsen to this guy would be a dropoff.

I understand what they are trying to do with it though. I blame Kevin James, Ray Romano and that Jerry Seinfeld. Those three guys are single-handedly responsible for the artificial raising of expectations througout guy-land with respect to the hotness factor of ladies that they can actually get. Does anyone actually believe that Kevin James could get with Leah Remini*? Or that Jerry Seinfeld could score Teri Hatcher, Courtney Cox, Jane Leeves, and Debra Messing? Yeah, I thought not.

So now here comes the "Dumpy 007" here to reassure a nation of wife-beater-wearing, High-Life swilling, Dallas Cowboys-cheering, spray-cheese eating meatheads that even guys who look like them can score bond girls. It's ridiculous. Just when we finally start replacing all the "fat ignorant guy married to the hot smart funny woman" sitcoms with CSI and Law & Order derivatives and "throw enough hot people in a room and see who starts making out" reality television programs, we get another dose of delusional behavior reinforcement. Remember the MAD TV skit for the "Lowered Expectations" dating service? Yeah, we need to actually make that work, and enforce mandatory membership to those who need it. That way, everyone's happy. The meatheads stop bothering women who want to be left alone, and everyone is only hit on by people who they actually might be interested in.

*Note - *not* Lisa Rinna who is also *not* "Lisa Rinni"