OH my god this is horrific...
Who among you thinks this woman is insane? Let's look at the math, shall we? She is 39 years old and has 18 kids. Four of those kids are twins (two sets) and if their ages are to be believed, she has gone at 12 months without being pregnant four out of the last 18 years. Yes, even after two sets of twins this crazy woman rolled over to her husband (appropriately named Joe Bob) and said "I want another one! The thought of tending to 3 am feedings and diaper changes every two hours is not complete unless I'm also battling morning sickness! GIVE ME YOUR SEED!!!".
Now the easy diagnosis would be to claim insanity or nymphomania. But I would like to put forth an alternative hypothesis - the woman hates her period. A lot. She hates it more than being elbow-deep in poopy diapers, more than bed rest for months on end thanks to her overly stretched lady bits, more than the idea of watching some Barney variant every day until she dies. As a man, I have no idea what it's like to have a period (thanks for the Y chromosome, dad!) but all of my female friends seem to have gotten used to it. Sure, you get a little cranky every few weeks, but most every woman I know has come to terms with her little friend. Not this one though.
But still, something about the whole story seems a bit incredulous, don't you think? Doesn't it seem weird that a father named joe bob sells real estate in Arkansas? And that he's actually making enough money to afford to feed two baseball teams' worth of people? A likely story. I suspect that something's up, and it's one of two possibilities:
First, Joe Bob is not actually selling real estate - he's into trafficing in healthy white babies. all those kids are nothing more than his "showroom" where he shows off the latest models. He was doing really well, too until Katrina hit and the economy of the area started to go bad. Suddenly, his normal stream of clients dried up, and inventory started building up on the lot. Now he's got a lot full of last year's models and "They's ALL gotta go! Come on down to Joe Bob's Used Kid lot today!".
Second, those kids aren't human. They aren't even alive - they're puppets. Evil puppets heck-bent on world domination. Sure, they look cute now, and they probably obey the commands that mom and joe bob give them without hesitation. Just wait...we all know what's going to happen. We've seen "Child's Play" and that one episode of Twilight Zone with the ventriloquist dummy. And all those who think they move too naturally to be puppets? Four words: "Team America - World Police". Yeah...those were puppets too. I know, I know, it's hard to believe but it's completely true. Puppets are everywhere. The white house (obviously), Trump Tower, Yankee Stadium, and even...oh god no... Get out of your house! THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!! AIEEEEEE!!!
Either way, somebody get this woman's tubes tied before she runs out of eggs.
Who among you thinks this woman is insane? Let's look at the math, shall we? She is 39 years old and has 18 kids. Four of those kids are twins (two sets) and if their ages are to be believed, she has gone at 12 months without being pregnant four out of the last 18 years. Yes, even after two sets of twins this crazy woman rolled over to her husband (appropriately named Joe Bob) and said "I want another one! The thought of tending to 3 am feedings and diaper changes every two hours is not complete unless I'm also battling morning sickness! GIVE ME YOUR SEED!!!".
Now the easy diagnosis would be to claim insanity or nymphomania. But I would like to put forth an alternative hypothesis - the woman hates her period. A lot. She hates it more than being elbow-deep in poopy diapers, more than bed rest for months on end thanks to her overly stretched lady bits, more than the idea of watching some Barney variant every day until she dies. As a man, I have no idea what it's like to have a period (thanks for the Y chromosome, dad!) but all of my female friends seem to have gotten used to it. Sure, you get a little cranky every few weeks, but most every woman I know has come to terms with her little friend. Not this one though.
But still, something about the whole story seems a bit incredulous, don't you think? Doesn't it seem weird that a father named joe bob sells real estate in Arkansas? And that he's actually making enough money to afford to feed two baseball teams' worth of people? A likely story. I suspect that something's up, and it's one of two possibilities:
First, Joe Bob is not actually selling real estate - he's into trafficing in healthy white babies. all those kids are nothing more than his "showroom" where he shows off the latest models. He was doing really well, too until Katrina hit and the economy of the area started to go bad. Suddenly, his normal stream of clients dried up, and inventory started building up on the lot. Now he's got a lot full of last year's models and "They's ALL gotta go! Come on down to Joe Bob's Used Kid lot today!".
Second, those kids aren't human. They aren't even alive - they're puppets. Evil puppets heck-bent on world domination. Sure, they look cute now, and they probably obey the commands that mom and joe bob give them without hesitation. Just wait...we all know what's going to happen. We've seen "Child's Play" and that one episode of Twilight Zone with the ventriloquist dummy. And all those who think they move too naturally to be puppets? Four words: "Team America - World Police". Yeah...those were puppets too. I know, I know, it's hard to believe but it's completely true. Puppets are everywhere. The white house (obviously), Trump Tower, Yankee Stadium, and even...oh god no... Get out of your house! THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!! AIEEEEEE!!!
Either way, somebody get this woman's tubes tied before she runs out of eggs.
Comments
I am sorry, when you have run out of J Names and you're settling on "Jedidiah”… it’s time to STOP?!?! WTF!
I see them living out their spinster days in big lonely houses full of cats...and perfectly content with the peace and quiet.
Maybe they were boycotting having kids as a way to support America's boycotting of the Olympics in 1980, and didn't start until Los Angeles in '84?