America's thirst for revenge gluings

What is with all the weirdos using crazy glue as instruments for evil? First we had the guy getting glued to the toilet seat at Home Depot and now this guy.

Frankly, I don't feel all that sorry for him. Know why? Let's think about what happened between "going over to his ex-girlfriends" and "getting his man-bits glued to uncomfortable places"
  • First, he must have been naked when he fell asleep because there's no way that she could get *access* to those places unless he was. I mean, am I expected to believe she took off his pants and shirt without waking him up? I don't *think* so...
  • So if we assume he was naked we can logically conclude the reason he was naked was because he and the ex-girlfriend had just "had relations".
  • He had gone over to his ex's house the year after they had broke up, and he was seeing another woman at the time.

So here's my theory. Guy gets a late night booty call from the ex. Instead of hanging up on the crazy woman, he decides to head on over (I mean the current girlfriend is out of town and a man has needs, right?). He stops in, has a beer or five, and engages in some enthusiastic "partnered cardio". When the ex suggests they get back together, he tells her that he's currently seeing some other broad and promptly rolls over and passes out.

I can't say I blame her.

Comments

KC said…
I felt really bad for the guy at Home Depot when I read about that in the news(guess they didn't cover it for TV news since there wasn't any video). However, I don't feel bad at all for the guy with his manly stuff glued to his abdomen. He's lucky. At least she didn't cut it off.
ThatIsMeWhat said…
I want to know how she glued his front and his back without waking him up. His butt crack got glued, and I believe she also used nail polish to put a cuss word on his back. I'm guessing that it's more 5 beers than one!
Annie said…
I like to offer people chapstick, but then secretly give them a gluestick!
Cheryl said…
I read both of these stories on the same day too, and I was thinking there was really a lot of glueing going on. Weird. I love odd news.