No single title could cover all this adequately

Sometimes I wonder whether I’m 100% human or whether I might have some weird alien DNA mixed in there somewhere. I don’t think it’s anything dangerous but I sometimes wonder. And the signs I pick up on typically involve regular everyday earthling activity. For example:

• I get really thirsty after consuming chocolate
• Eating cake, bread or other baked goods will sometimes result in a bad case of hiccups (which can be stopped only by drinking water)
• I sunburn way too easily – the GF will testify that it can happen in as little as 15 minutes
• I’m very uncomfortable in temperatures above 75 degrees

Any of these individually wouldn’t give me much pause, but the fact that I am a combination of all three makes me believe that I’m either part alien or part penguin. Today for example I’ve already had the cake hiccups (someone at work brought in my favorite flavor of cupcakes – yellow cake with chocolate frosting) and had to dash across the office to the drinking fountain to get relief. Thank goodness it’s not sunny outside today.

Continuing the theme of Christmas Trees in the News from yesterday – apparently some people are getting their panties in a bunch over Boston’s erecting of a “holiday tree” this week. The scary thing is that for the first time I find myself on the same side as Jerry Falwell. Come on people – lighten up. Generalizing the erecting of a “Holiday tree” to all year-end holidays is just the west’s way of imposing its views on Jews, Muslims, and African American’s everywhere. It’s like we’re saying “Here Jews – we noticed you don’t ever put up a Hannukah Tree so we’ll do it for you! No need to thank us, we’re happy to help spread Christma…I mean Holiday Cheer!”

What’s next? Does the west co-opt their symbols now since we were so good to share ours? Is everybody ready for the Holiday Menorahs to start showing up at First Baptist? Hey everyone, Target’s got a special this week on Holiday Kinaras!

The worst thing is that this furor has “cast a pall over a long-standing tradition between Boston and Canada”. Heaven help us…what if the Canucks turn off the maple syrup pipelines?!? We’ll have to invade them next – somebody call President Shrub and tell him to put the Canucks on the “To Invade” list…right after Iraq, Iran, China, Cindy Sheehan’s House, and The Land of Dairy Queen.