Adventures in Bachelorland - Day 1

Last night the GF winged her way west for a week of family, friends, and warm weather (currently 73 degrees and partly cloudy). So I'm suddenly finding myself re-living my bachelor life for the next couple weeks. I consoled myself by meeting up with the friend B.Da (who introduced the GF and me) over Italian food and, it turned out, bingo.

Yes, bingo my loyal readers. That game that none of you have played (I’ll wager) in years. Suffice to say I had completely forgotten how much fun bingo can be. Although it was quickly proven that my skills at bingo lie somewhere between my skills at rodeo and swordsmithing – virtually non-existant. The prizes were pretty much crappy kitsch (t-shirts, CD’s and various tchotchkes) but what really struck me was the horribleness of the “host” who was running the show. He had the little bingo cage with all the balls and a microphone where he proceeded to call out the numbers and decide which games would be played. All if which would have been fine, but he also felt the need to try and be funny which he was clearly unqualified to do.

I’ve been to game shows before and always had a good time (shout out to “My Friend and His Awesome New York Show” - go see it when you're in NYC!) . But I never before realized how much my fun was due to the host. Whenever my friend does his show – he puts a lot of effort into it researching topics and coordinating his outfit (I presume that last part). But he's got a quick enough wit that he can engage in repartee with the crowd without looking arrogant or silly. But this guy last night (who we’ll refer to as “Bin-gomer”) showed up in scruffy clothes that were too dumpy to be ironically retro-hipster. Then…he started trying to be funny. Here are a couple of the more memorable lines he used:

“B-12! That’s a vitamin!”
“B-1! That’s a bone for you dogs out there!”
“Any of you guys remember (name of 1980’s kids show that I’ve since forgotten)? That was cool, except I never got the part where they’d (again, forgot this part – something about an underground fort). [Proceeds to sing the theme song]”

Yeah, pretty much more of the same for the entire night. And I lost time and time and time again. Sometimes not even getting 5 numbers on the whole sheet before someone would yell “BINGO!” – reminding me of all my past bingo failures. All told though, I had fun and escaped with relatively limited emotional trauma. And B.Da actually won one game and won a cheap and horrifically ugly little vase that I’m making her keep.

I am convinced now that I should totally be a game show host when I grow up. I mean, if bin-gomer can do it, maybe I should just put something together and start putting on guerilla game shows in restaurants and bars on Tuesdays. All I have to do is think of a game to base it on…my friend's done the trivia thing so maybe I’ll base mine on a different board game. Like tic-tac-toe (bringing back “tic-tac-dough”, but I think Wink Martindale’s still alive…) or Chutes and Ladders or Candyland. How about Battleship? Put two teams on either side of a tall wall and have them heave water balloons or maple syrup balloons at each other? Hmmm…I’ll have to give this more thought over my holiday trip back home next week.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Thanks for the shout-out, big guy. In NYC, I once attended "drag-queen bingo," which was interesting for a little while, then got old. I think bingo is handicapped a little by monotony.

You'd totally kick ass as a game-show host, by the way. Let me know if you're interested in a job as my sidekick.
towwas said…
My, what a coincidence - like Noah, my last bingo experience was drag queen bingo. It was about a month ago, for Beaker's 31st birthday. And, yeah, it got kind of old.
KC said…
I haven't played bingo in years! I do remember that I never won when I did play. Lately, I've been playing board games with my son. Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, and our newest game: Scene It? Harry Potter. I can't answer ANY of those questions as I've never bothered to read the books or see the movies. My kid is great, though. He answers every question correctly.