In general I like to consider myself a pretty empathic person. And as much as I feel for the plight of those folks who have loved ones serving over in Iraq, I think this woman has gone bat loony. I mean, if I’m the husband here, I have no choice but to seriously give some thought to calling my folks about taking the kids for a few months. I mean, it’s one thing to buy a mannequin as a conversation piece or a funny joke when company comes over (“Yeah, that’s the replacement husband. Not much help around the house, horrible in the sack, but at least he listens to me and I never have to pick up his socks! [chuckles all around]”) but it's quite another to drau him to the movies on a Friday night or sentence him to the couch after one unfilfilling night*.
Nope, this gal has lost all sense of reality. At what point do you think to yourself “Well, why not take him to the grocery store?” and actually fail to come up with the most obvious reason – it’s crazy? My last shred of hope lies in the increasingly smaller chance that the whole thing is a publicity stunt and that she’s actually working for a company that manufactures dummies. Maybe as a part of their viral marketing plan to boost sales over the holidays. But then she goes on about taking the dummy Christmas shopping with her? Come on lady, don’t you have enough crap to lug around from store to store as you check off the various items on your list without dragging along a tackling dummy?
Even if you just think it’s “cute” – what about when hubby returns home? Thank god there aren’t kids because by then they’d probably be more attached to the mannequin than to their actual father, setting up a bizarre familial situation that looks like the bastard child of “My Two Dads” and “Mannequin”. It wouldn’t work out of course, and the wife would divorce the actual human guy because “He was never there for me” and move in exclusively with her dummy-hubby.
In the end I suppose the real lesson here is that the military really needs to get its act in gear and get these military spouses something to do while their soldiers are away. I don’t know what exactly – knitting circles, weekly poker games, marathon sessions of Grey’s Anatomy. But in the end I suppose it all boils down to the soldiers helping their spouses network and meet new people before they are sent off. Maybe the military should start using this head case as a training film to warn new recruits. I can see the tagline now: “You could learn a lot from a dummy – get your wife some friends before you ship out.”
* Per the crazy lady:"...he sleeps on the couch. I live alone, so I want people to think that I'm here. But I only slept with him one night." My response - what does living alone have to do with where the dummy sleeps? I suspect that the first "encounter" didn't go well.
Nope, this gal has lost all sense of reality. At what point do you think to yourself “Well, why not take him to the grocery store?” and actually fail to come up with the most obvious reason – it’s crazy? My last shred of hope lies in the increasingly smaller chance that the whole thing is a publicity stunt and that she’s actually working for a company that manufactures dummies. Maybe as a part of their viral marketing plan to boost sales over the holidays. But then she goes on about taking the dummy Christmas shopping with her? Come on lady, don’t you have enough crap to lug around from store to store as you check off the various items on your list without dragging along a tackling dummy?
Even if you just think it’s “cute” – what about when hubby returns home? Thank god there aren’t kids because by then they’d probably be more attached to the mannequin than to their actual father, setting up a bizarre familial situation that looks like the bastard child of “My Two Dads” and “Mannequin”. It wouldn’t work out of course, and the wife would divorce the actual human guy because “He was never there for me” and move in exclusively with her dummy-hubby.
In the end I suppose the real lesson here is that the military really needs to get its act in gear and get these military spouses something to do while their soldiers are away. I don’t know what exactly – knitting circles, weekly poker games, marathon sessions of Grey’s Anatomy. But in the end I suppose it all boils down to the soldiers helping their spouses network and meet new people before they are sent off. Maybe the military should start using this head case as a training film to warn new recruits. I can see the tagline now: “You could learn a lot from a dummy – get your wife some friends before you ship out.”
* Per the crazy lady:"...he sleeps on the couch. I live alone, so I want people to think that I'm here. But I only slept with him one night." My response - what does living alone have to do with where the dummy sleeps? I suspect that the first "encounter" didn't go well.
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The truly frightening thought?
...Where does it end?