Well, the Canadians have gone and done it this time. The Canuck supreme court recently ruled to legalize “swingers clubs” – private clubs where members can have consensual group sex behind locked doors. Note that when I say “they’ve done it” I’m not irritated at passing the law – heck, I don’t really care what people do on their own time so long as it isn’t killing people or trying to sell me stuff over the phone. But I think that the Canadians are so sick and tired of our increasing tilt towards a Christian Theocracy that they are now passing laws just to provoke us and see how far they can go before Pat Robertson declares a “jihad on them” and marches north at the head of an army of radial fundamentalists and lay seige to Ottawa.
This is exactly the sort of thing that makes me love Canada. Sure, they were my neighbor for most of my life – so I’m a little biased. But they just seem like they understand how not to piss anyone off. They don’t have a ginormous army, so they aren’t invading everyone that steals
their oil or insults their dad. They have a national health care system – so the poor folks aren’t dying of preventable disease. And even their supreme court seems like they carry the Christmas Spirit (or maybe the “Boxing Day Spirit”) with them all year, what with their Santa-like robes and all (see right).
This leaves the question open of what folks like me would do if the US ever actually decided to invade our friends to the north. Obviously, we’d be the prime targets for a reinstated draft because we love the cold and know how to drive snowmobiles. What, do you think Shrubbie would try and invade Canada with a army of National guard troops from Atlanta – who cancel school after a half-inch of snow and refuse to go outside if it’s below freezing? Nope, he’d try and draft an army of hardy northerners – preferably those who played hockey at some point in order to equip them with hockey skates and train them to use the frozen rivers and lakes as ways to move massive armies quickly.
But here’s the problem – all of us like Canada. We’d all desert and go to Canada to avoid the draft, where we’d probably join their army in protest – especially if they bribed us with beer. So think carefully before you go invading anyone north of International Falls, George. It won’t be as easy as you think, eh?
This is exactly the sort of thing that makes me love Canada. Sure, they were my neighbor for most of my life – so I’m a little biased. But they just seem like they understand how not to piss anyone off. They don’t have a ginormous army, so they aren’t invading everyone that steals
their oil or insults their dad. They have a national health care system – so the poor folks aren’t dying of preventable disease. And even their supreme court seems like they carry the Christmas Spirit (or maybe the “Boxing Day Spirit”) with them all year, what with their Santa-like robes and all (see right).This leaves the question open of what folks like me would do if the US ever actually decided to invade our friends to the north. Obviously, we’d be the prime targets for a reinstated draft because we love the cold and know how to drive snowmobiles. What, do you think Shrubbie would try and invade Canada with a army of National guard troops from Atlanta – who cancel school after a half-inch of snow and refuse to go outside if it’s below freezing? Nope, he’d try and draft an army of hardy northerners – preferably those who played hockey at some point in order to equip them with hockey skates and train them to use the frozen rivers and lakes as ways to move massive armies quickly.
But here’s the problem – all of us like Canada. We’d all desert and go to Canada to avoid the draft, where we’d probably join their army in protest – especially if they bribed us with beer. So think carefully before you go invading anyone north of International Falls, George. It won’t be as easy as you think, eh?
Comments
When Nowhereland was declared and RED STATE and President Dipshit was backin place... my effing bags were packed.
Go Canada!!