I love the smell of "cute" shoes in the morning - smells like victory!

Another amusing thing about the weekend's activities. After the show on Saturday, the GF and I walked out into what had become a steady drizzle. I was aggravated that I hadn’t brought my umbrella, but the GF suggested we “do some shopping” and looked around for a Walgreens – I assumed she was looking for a place we could pick up an umbrella cheap. I thought that was a fantastic idea, but we couldn’t find a Walgreens. Although we did find the Nordstrom Rack store, where right inside the doors were two stands of umbrellas, including a kind that opens and closes automatically! I was in love – so I grabbed one and made ready to leave only to see the GF had started perusing rack after rack of Neutrogena lotion and stuff, and then the rack of clearance sunglasses, and then the table of designer watches. At that point I knew I had lost her.

This is because the GF and I have different definitions of the phrase “do some shopping”. Whereas my definition consists of “Enter store to find what you need and leave” hers falls more along the lines of “Enter the store and walk around, looking for anything ‘cute’* that isn’t overpriced”. So now I knew that I was destined to be in the store for probably 45-60 minutes(minimum) and any pressure I exerted to leave would only make me look stupid, since we really didn’t have anything else planned for the evening. Besides, here was an opportunity to test my ability to figure out stuff she likes – a skill that comes in very handy when occasions for gift-buying present themselves.

Admittedly, I also got caught up in the crazy influence of sales – buying a 500 single-ply thread count sheet set for $75, two cedar shoe trees, and two pairs of jeans that actually fit**. But once I was done looking for me, I went in search of the GF in hopes of observing her shop and in so doing learn more about her tastes. Of course, she was in the shoe section. “Dammit!” I thought to myself, “she just had to be in the one place I don’t know anything about what she likes – why does she make this so hard for me!?!?” Still, undeterred, I stepped over and watched her pick over the piles of shoes stacked like dead fish with a dissatisfied look on her face. Ever the helpful one*** I pulled out a shoe from the pile and said “What about this one?”. That one crashed and burned – the heel was too tall. So I tried again, but my second choice burned down, fell over and sank into the swamp - dismissed (kindly) as “too dressy”. Finally I tried one last time, figuring that if she didn’t like this one that I’d just give up and assume my role as “packhorse who carries stuff and coats”. But this one elicited the sound all men love to hear – the surprised gasp of happiness!

Ladies, you may not know that we guys have identified and classified many of the sounds you make on a day-to-day basis. But rest assured we have done so, and present any new sounds we discover at our monthly meetings for integration into the system. The surprised gasp of happiness is the sound you make when we suddenly and for no obvious reason achieve success in pleasing you in a way you never before thought possible. It happens for both big events (married ladies, think of the sound you made when he pulled out the ring) and small ones – say for example when your fashion-challenged boyfriend pulls out a “cute” shoe from a pile of footwear detritus you had already written off. I proceeded then to find two more pairs that she also liked and ended up buying.

It was a thrilling feeling! To suddenly find such success after years of fashion failure made me feel like a king. I don’t think that the GF quite realized how excited I was, because I did a good job of keeping calm and looking as cool as a guy can who’s holding his girlfriend’s stuff while standing by himself in the middle of the women’s shoe section - trying very hard not to appear like a weird foot-fetishist****. Which is particularly difficult when he's forced to do it for about an hour while his lady test-drives the shoe around the entire store to ensure that the fit is just right.

Yeah…it was a good day.

* Note: this is her use of the word. I don’t use the word “cute” to describe, say, a shirt. Baby animals, maybe – but not anything I would wear.
** This brings the total to 3 pairs that fit well, one pair that fits when I wear them with shoes, one pair that is too small to wear for more than 30 minutes, and one pair that is so big that I'm not allowed to wear them in public.
*** And also figuring I might as well start the learning process
**** Accomplished by placing special emphasis on holding stuff that was obviously not mine. A guy standing in the women's shoe section is obviously a W.F.F. but a guy standing in said section holding a purse, woman's coat, and leopard-print umbrella is obviously an unattended and harmless sig-other.

Comments

Unknown said…
That's a big score, but you've got to tread lightly - you don't want GF to have to send you camera phone pictures of her outfits in the morning for thumbs up/thumbs down before leaving her house.

Also, an update on a previous post -
http://www.wonkette.com/politics/jonathan-sharkey/breaking-sharkey-arrested-151803.php
ThatIsMeWhat said…
I never got into the shoe buying thing. Instead, I can't stop spending money on sweet audio gear. Is something wrong with me? :)
Nobody said…
I'm a shoe whore. I'll admit it.
grrrbear said…
Don't worry J.Bro, the day will never come where I'm qualified enough to give the GF advice on fashion.

I already bought all of my sweet audio gear before getting into fashion, Grafs. And I consider it some of the best money I've ever spent. Mmmm...Polk Audio...
Jay Noel said…
Sounds like you brought her the Golden Fleece or something.