Just when I think I can’t love Minnesota anymore, they allow a self-styled “vampyre” to run for governor on a platform based on sentencing terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, and the ilk to being impaled publicly in front of the capitol building in St. Paul – in addition to the typical “emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers, and better benefits for veterans”.
For all of you who think Jesse Ventura is weird, what with his feather boas and funny facial hair – I think you will agree with me that this guy is a complete jutknob. I could go on, but instead I’m going to sponsor a fun game – “Find the Quotable Quote on Johnathan’s Website”! In the comments, supply the wackiest quote from his site (trust me, there are plenty) and the winner will receive a prize to be named later - anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers.
For all of you who think Jesse Ventura is weird, what with his feather boas and funny facial hair – I think you will agree with me that this guy is a complete jutknob. I could go on, but instead I’m going to sponsor a fun game – “Find the Quotable Quote on Johnathan’s Website”! In the comments, supply the wackiest quote from his site (trust me, there are plenty) and the winner will receive a prize to be named later - anything in this general area right in here. Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses. Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble. Anything in this three inches right in here in this area. That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers.
Comments
"My son, John Jr. was born in Redwood Falls, Minnesota on 7 Mar 92."
I wonder if John Jr plans on following in his father's illustrious path? The Sharkey family could be the new Kennedys!
"And I will fight for the rights of every Minnesotan, as well as Americans when I become President."
I wish I was still teaching - I could have totally used that to talk about how third-party candidates try to fit into the mold of mainstream political campaigns. I loved when he talked about how he hadn't lived in the state long but felt connected to it, his many mentions of being a veteran, and his advocacy for education and reducing drunk driving.
"As a result of Susan's actions, I fully turned to "The
Dark Side" and dedicated my life to serving Lucifer."
That pretty much sums it up for me.
Official entry: "Any Terrorist who is caught in Minnesota while I am Governor, will find out what the true meaning of my nickname 'The Impaler' means. Right in front of our State Capital. Then Fed’s can take the terrorist’s body from the impaling stake. If the US Department of Justice (DOJ) wants to charge me with brutally murdering a terrorist, they may do so. I do not see an American Jury convicting me."
And the runners-up:
(1) In August 2005, I started my own political party: The VWP Party. VWP stands for: Vampyres, Witches and Pagans.
(2) Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control, I have not yet made my NASCAR racing debut. [Yea, me either.]
Lucifer... Judas... Anakin. HEE!