I spent about an hour yesterday reading through old posts on my blog. I don’t know why I had never done this before, but it was really fun, and very helpful because now I can kind of remember what I’ve already blogged about and what I haven’t. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of interesting stuff that I want to blog about that I haven’t yet done – forcing me to constantly come up with new material in a “race against repetitive mediocrity”. Such is the struggle of the lonely blogger, I suppose.
So thank goodness I have people like Todd Strandberg, who has assembled a scientific method for helping the world know when the rapture is coming by inventing the Rapture Index. Think of it like the Down Jones Industrials – it’s a composite of a bunch of variables that are used to estimate when Jesus will fly down from the heavens and pile all the faithful into his Ford Excursion for a road trip to paradise, leaving everyone else down here to figure out what happened. Looks like we’re up three points as of yesterday, with the Index currently sitting at 151. Note that the record low of 57 was reached during the Clinton Administration, whereas the record high was hit about the same amount of time into the Bush II era. Obviously, blow jobs* in the White House help to stave off Armageddon. Naturally, this fellow is quite pleased with his powers of divination, and has started down the path to self-righteousness by telling everyone else what to do, becoming a medium and speaking for the dead, selling real estate in heaven (frankly, I don’t want the super saint model unless it comes with a staff of cleaning angels), and becoming an expert on woodland creatures.
And the religious right wonders why I can’t take them seriously. Maybe when they stop shrieking about boobs on television, automobile advertising, and cartoons that point out religious hypocrisy and start working just as hard at helping the homeless find a home, the unemployed find new opportunities and careers, and the hungry get a decent meal I’ll start believing they get what JC was talking about.
*Hysterically, Microsoft Word says this is misspelled and should be one word. I was completely unaware there was a recognized correct spelling.
So thank goodness I have people like Todd Strandberg, who has assembled a scientific method for helping the world know when the rapture is coming by inventing the Rapture Index. Think of it like the Down Jones Industrials – it’s a composite of a bunch of variables that are used to estimate when Jesus will fly down from the heavens and pile all the faithful into his Ford Excursion for a road trip to paradise, leaving everyone else down here to figure out what happened. Looks like we’re up three points as of yesterday, with the Index currently sitting at 151. Note that the record low of 57 was reached during the Clinton Administration, whereas the record high was hit about the same amount of time into the Bush II era. Obviously, blow jobs* in the White House help to stave off Armageddon. Naturally, this fellow is quite pleased with his powers of divination, and has started down the path to self-righteousness by telling everyone else what to do, becoming a medium and speaking for the dead, selling real estate in heaven (frankly, I don’t want the super saint model unless it comes with a staff of cleaning angels), and becoming an expert on woodland creatures.
And the religious right wonders why I can’t take them seriously. Maybe when they stop shrieking about boobs on television, automobile advertising, and cartoons that point out religious hypocrisy and start working just as hard at helping the homeless find a home, the unemployed find new opportunities and careers, and the hungry get a decent meal I’ll start believing they get what JC was talking about.
*Hysterically, Microsoft Word says this is misspelled and should be one word. I was completely unaware there was a recognized correct spelling.
Comments