Monday, March 06, 2006

Thoughts on the Oscars

George Clooney is all class. I’m totally man-crushing right now. He has totally elevated himself to the Top 5 People I’d Invite to a Dinner Party list with his self-deprecating humor*, non-pompus political statement during his acceptance speech (Did you see that Sean Penn? That’s how to do it right), and timeless tuxedo attire.

Speaking of which, I would have killed someone for the chance to hang out with this group before the show. This is totally the "cool actor guy" clique of Hollywood.

[That's (left to right) Jake Gyllenhall, George Clooney, some lucky bastard, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Joaquin Phoenix, and Heath Ledger]

I was a little disappointed with John Stewart, but it’s not his fault. I think it’s asking an awful lot to take a comic known for skewering the Hollywood and media establishments, put him in charge of the ultimate insider event, and tell him that if he skewers anyone too much (Chris Rock anyone?) people will say he did a lousy job so he can’t rip on Hollywood too much. It’s like telling George Carlin that he can’t swear during a show. So, given those limitations, I think he did fine. Hollywood will still ask Billy Crystal and Steve Martin first next year.

I felt bad for Lauren Bacall, her dropping lines and slight tremor made me wonder if she’s got Parkinson’s. And it’s sad because she’s got that “I don’t care what you think of me I’m Lauren f*cking Bacall” moxie in all her interviews. A classy, strong, indomitable lady of the screen.

Will Ferrell and Steve Carell = Hysterical.

What was the deal with the bow on Charlize’s shoulder?

Rachel Weisz looks hotter at 7 months pregnant than 95% of Hollywood. The boobs probably help but I think it’s more that she doesn’t look like she’d snap in half in a strong breeze.

Dolly Parton looked fine during her song, but afterwards, when I saw her seated in the audience – helloooo collagen. It was downright scary. See?



Salma Hayek’s only job at awards shows these days is to look hot (has she done anything since Frida?) but she’s good at it.

Howard Berger, you suck. Because you wouldn't shut up and rambled on and on in your speech you left no time for Tami Lane who got played off by the band**. I hope you're happy with yourself. You should know that they are not going to give the best makeup winner more than 45 seconds - it's unfair yes, but you're not Reese Witherspoon.

Wait, William Hurt went to the Oscars with his ex-wife? I’m confused, I thought people got divorced when you wanted to stop going to events together…

I know I wasn’t the only one waiting and wondering whether Reese Witherspoon was ever going to get around to thanking her husband in her intermindable*** acceptance speech. I loved how the camera kept focusing on Ryan Phillipe in a “look who she’s forgetting to thank in her speech” fashion during the entire thing.

I love Reese to death, I think she’s a classy woman who has her act together, but for her to get as long as she wants for her speech while they cut off other non-celebrity folks left and right was classless on the part of the producers.

Terry Pheto is going to get a lot more work in Hollywood thanks to her director getting her screen time in his acceptance speech – she is really pretty.

Why did the camera focus on Mimi O’Donnell right when Philip Seymour Hoffman was talking about his mother? Who thinks the Oscar editors believed Mimi was his mom?

Lee Majors was at the Oscars? Gosh, I wonder how many other forgotten stars were there that I didn’t know about? Maybe Joe Don Baker was there...

I guess I need to go see Crash, Capote, and Memoirs of a Geisha now. I was hoping one of them would clear the table but it appears that Hollywood couldn't decide which one it liked either. I guess that those three films plus Brokeback Mountain**** all won three Oscars.

* To quote: "It's a funny thing about winning an Academy Award. This will always be synonymous with your name from here on end. It will be, 'Oscar winner George Clooney, sexiest man alive 1997, `Batman,' died today in a freak accident' ..."

** Apparently, Tami's mom thought the same thing.

*** No, I have no idea how if that's spelled correctly.

**** Seen it. Loved it, thanks in part to the fact that I saw it before all the hype.

4 comments:

J.Bro said...

"Who thinks the Oscar editors believed Mimi was his mom?"
*raises hand*

The Phoenix said...

Whoa...all of your highlights were things I noticed as well.

I've always thought Rachel Weisz is the most gorgeous women in cinema. Very classy.

Dolly Parton's eyebrows are just an inch below her hairline. She looks scary.

Looks like they spread the awards out, not allowing one film to dominate.

Spice said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Spice said...

This isn't about the Oscars, but I am sad about Kirby Puckett and had to share. More than any public figure I can think of, he led a life of extreme highs (perhaps the most beloved Minnesota sports figure ever?) and lows (perhaps the most scandal-ridden Minnesota sports figure ever?). In any case, I'm sad he's gone. My residual childhood Twins fandom will have to live on through seeing "Kent Hrbek Outdoors" when I'm in Minnesota.