Number of bodies in the cemetery with pink Cubs hats = 0

While I know that the actual story is completely different, when I saw the headline for this story (“Body Found in St. Paul Cemetery”) I couldn’t help but imagine some drunk reporter walking into the graveyard, tripping over a headstone, and shouting “Holy crap, there’s a dead body under there! Oh my god, there’s another one over there! And another one! Sweet Jesus there’s hundreds of ‘em all over the place!!!! I’ve got to get back to the office and get this story out so the whole city knows about it! (hic). [stumbles towards the exit]”

The weekend was uneventful. I went to my first Cubs game of the year last night and am now 0-1 in season play. Plus it was cold, windy, and mostly rainy and my seats were in the last row of the upper deck. But there were peanuts, which made up for a lot of it* being nature’s perfect ballpark food (saltiness goes well with beer plus the shell makes you work for the reward, burn off beer calories, and throw the shells on the floor in a display of messiness not seen since my toddler years). And my friend A.Yo who came with me got a free pink Cubs ballcap as part of the giveaway that day**. It was a pretty nice cap, but it had the Mastercard logo splayed across the back in black stitching. It was quite the topic of conversation for most of the afternoon, especially since the food vendors apparently had no idea it was a giveaway day. When A.Yo went to get food, the food guy gave her the change and thanked her, to which she wittily replied “I bet you say that to all the girls in pink hats.”

He responded “Yeah, what is the deal with that today? It’s a little creepy…”

* Of course, the people in front of us who got covered in the "inner wrappers" as they were blew off by the wind probably have another word for them...and us for that matter.
** I did not get one because the fascists were only giving them away to girls.