Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Of all the ways to make a million

Does everyone remember the genius who put together the “Million Dollar Homepage” a few months back? Who sold ad space on his site for $1 a pixel and ended up making a million dollars? Yes, we were all kicking ourselves after that one. Or, at least I was.

Well now it appears that someone has taken the concept and taken it up a notch – combining the “selling lots of small things for a low individual price” with pseudo-porn to create the “Million Crystal Body”*. The site owners took a model and covered her body with one million Swarovski crystals which they are selling for 1 Euro apiece through the site. Allegedly, as more of the crystals get sold they will post updated pictures as the model gets more and more “exposed”. And, to cap it all off, when the last crystal is sold** it will be hand-delivered to the purchaser’s door by the model herself.

Such a simple idea – why didn’t I think of this?

Of course, it’s not as simple as one would think it is. Looking at the site, I could see that they have only sold about 3100 of the crystals so far – and it’s been about a week or so since I first saw it. At that rate, it will take the site owners over 6 years to sell all the crystals. Assuming that the adhesive they used is water-soluable*** that would mean that the model couldn’t take a bath or shower for the entire time – or risk losing several Euros down the drain. That said, suddenly the thought of the model hand-delivering the last crystal after not bathing for 6 years is a whole lot less appealing.

In light of this and after reviewing the rules on the site it turns out that she is not still wearing the stones, but rather had to wear them for “only” seven days and nights – long enough for them to be applied and for pictures to be taken ahead of time. As the crystals are sold then, the site will reveal more pictures – no doubt starting with the ones taken with most of the stones applied and going in reverse order to earlier pictures from earlier in the application process. So now while the crystals are selling, Chantal the model is lounging around waiting for the call to be flown to some exotic location and hand a bag to some sucker. Yeah…tough gig, huh?

Still, one has to consider that she had we be covered with crystals for seven days and nights. I mean, it doesn’t sound like much, but think of the logistics involved. That’s still going a week without bathing. And how exactly does one use the restroom when one’s “evacuatory regions” are covered with crystals? Just how “covered” was she anyway?

So many questions…so little desire to know the answers…

* Due credit here, I didn’t find this myself, but I found it a while back and can’t recall exactly how I stumbled across it.
** No doubt via an Ebay auction – like the past available pixels on milliondollarhomepage.com
*** And since it has to be non-toxic and (eventually) removable, one would assume that is the case

6 comments:

Spice said...

That model is kind of scary looking! I guess maybe they had to dig down the model chain pretty far to find someone who would go through a week of crystal application and removal...

grrrbear said...

Good point. I can see the craigslist ad now: "Ever wanted to be the life of the party? Human Disco Ball wanted for weeklong model shoot. Must be willing to be naked for long periods (the entire week), have a good body, and not be topically allergic to adhesive. Serious inquiries only, no freaks."

Theo said...

Wasn't this a key part to the plot of Major League? (where every game they won they took a piece of clothing off of a cardboard version of the hot owner?)

J.Po said...

Eeeeeeewwwwwwww........

The Phoenix said...

I remember that from Major League, but I don't think she was actually hot.

grrrbear said...

Yeah, I remember the cardboard "motivator" plot point of Major League. Margaret Whitton played the owner of the Indians and was the subject of the poster.

She was no great beauty, but she cleaned up well enough. I think if she had looked like Large marge from Pee Wee's Big Adventure it would have provided a *disincentive* for the team to win.

After all, Elmo seems equally disinterested in both...

I have a hard time believing that Elmo was traumatized by Katy Perry's decollatage after discovering that he had already "been arou...