How often do you find yourself thinking about chickens? Sure, you may have driven past a chicken farm every now and again and thought to yourself “Hey, there’s a chicken farm!” but have you ever considered how much work it has to be to set up one of those things? If you figure that every chicken house can hold thousands of birds, all of which are the same age, did you ever wonder how they get all of the baby chicks into the barn?
Well, wonder no more! (Ignore the monkey puppet – he’s only on camera for a few seconds)
Yes, this is an actual company. There’s not a lot of info about them out there, but I was able to find a few references to Chickxpress attending various poultry trade shows to show off this new wonder product. If you’re wondering how it works, the mechanism at the end of the conveyor is apparently a compressed air nozzle, that can be aimed in different directions in order to spread your baby chicks evenly across the floor of your barn.
Don’t worry, I’ve seen baby wood ducks fall from much higher up than these guys are, and they land on hard ground instead of gravel. I’m sure these little dudes are fine.
But I still can’t help but ponder a few unanswered questions:
How do they get the chicks to stand so patiently in the little crates on the way to the barn? Do they tell them that it’s a big amusement park ride? Perhaps this is a video of the chicken version of Space Mountain, and the chicks are all yelling “WHEEEEEE” when they fly through the air – just at a pitch not audible to humans. This would also explain why none of them try to jump over the sides of the belt on their way into the building – they’ve been told to keep their legs, wings, and beaks inside the ride at all times.
Second, how were the kids who made the video able to find music that is such an accurate representation of the baby chicken experience? I’ve been replaying this clip the entire time I’m writing this and I’m never going to get this song out of my head now. Every time I see a baby chick it’s going to be “Dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum” over and over again.
Third, how hammered do you have to be to get this idea? “I know! I know! We could take an old school bus, gut it, and turn it into a machine that shoots baby chickens 5-10 feet in all directions like a fire hose! Shut up Larry – it is not a totally lame idea…it’s waaayyybetter than your 'pig flinger 5000'. That would never work…”.
Fourth, how drunk do you think everyone else at the table was to say “Yeah, let’s do that one!”
And people are worried about the future of American manufacturing. Bah… Let’s see the Chinese invent stuff like this!*
* Come to think of it, the Chinese would probably use this idea to move people instead of chickens. Suddenly, I’m a little suspicious of any new mass transit ideas for the Beijing Olympics…
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