Friday, June 23, 2006

6 things I think about the gym

1) I am so sick and tired of the jocks at the gym walking around rubbing their stomachs under their t-shirts. What's the deal with that anyway? Is it just a contrived tactic to semi-flash their six-pack abs at the women on the stairmasters?

2) Why is it that only women use stairmasters? What, do men not care about having shapley calves and hinders?

3) How come men grunt like professional tennis players when they lift weights? Moreover, why is it when they finish a set they drop the weights as though they were the heaviest things on earth and that they were fortunate to survive it without their arms ripping off at the shoulders? You never see women doing that. They just lift the weights, finish the set, put the weights back and then head back the stairmaster. All the exercise, none of the drama.

4) Why do some women wear makeup to the gym? Any why doesn't is get smeared when they get all sweaty? Did someone invent sweat-proof makeup without it being plastered all over the front pages of Cosmo, Elle, and Drag Queen Weekly?

5) How is it that the one guy or gal always decides to use the last piece of equipment of my routine *right* when that's the only piece I have left to use? Why doesn't he/she remember to wipe it down when they're finished? And why is he/she always the person who thinks that sweat is as much a gym-fashion accessory as too-tight shorts?

6) I think I understand why women's magazines like Vogue and Cosmo are so thick - it's so a woman can sit down on the reclining bike or get on the stairmaster and read one cover-to-cover while getting a decent amount of cardio. Why don't men bring in reading material* you wonder? Because we're too busy checking out the chicks on the stairmasters and reclining bikes.

* e.g. Maxim, Popular Science, or GQ

5 comments:

The Phoenix said...

Funny how exercise is not the main reason for many people going to the gym. It's a big meat shop.

Sophist said...

#1) TOO EFFING FUNNY. I had never thought of that before, but now that I think back, I have a vivid mental picture of all kinds of jocks rubbing their stupid abdomens.

2) I definitely see guys using the stairmaster here in SF. I tried once and had to get off after 5 minutes because it was too painful. How do those people not have the most outrageously buff legs?

3) Yeah, how come?!? I don't grunt. But I turn red.

4) Yeah, how come? I've always wondered. It's even more mysterious when they wear makeup doing stuff like running on a hot day. That's a LOT of sweat.

5) For me, following other people on equipment has many odd charms. The people at the gyms I've gone too have all been very polite, wiping down the equipment excessively with so many paper towels that I feel horrible about the trees being wasted. But - I'm really small and weak, and I have to set every machine to its smallest and lightest setting. When I follow a person who is 6'2" and strong and I have to adjust every limb setting about 10 notches and the weight setting from 160 lbs to 20 lbs, I feel like I must be a different species from the beast that was just on the machine.

6) I love reading "Instyle" cover to cover while on the elliptical. I have not managed to read a magazine while on a treadmill.

Grafs said...

We bring the magazines so we can check out you guys without being so damn obvious :)

towwas said...

I rub my belly a lot. Like, enough that people have noticed it and made fun of me. And yet I am not a jock. Figure that one out, Mr. Bear!

J.Bro said...

I think they're imagining something yummy, like a fudge sundae. "Mmmmmmmm..." they're thinking, as they pat their tummies.

After all, Elmo seems equally disinterested in both...

I have a hard time believing that Elmo was traumatized by Katy Perry's decollatage after discovering that he had already "been arou...