After attending two Cubs games in the last two days I think I can safely say that one sees the most interesting things when one attends them - and 90% of the interesting things have nothing whatsoever to do with what's happening on the field.
Last night for example I got to watch as the grounds crew raced out to unroll the tarp when a thunderstorm rolled in about halfway through the 4th inning. And, there's not exactly a delicate way to say this, but some of the grounds crew were much better equipped for "racing" onto the field than others. Those less well-equipped* made do with plodding onto the field as best they could.
One not-so nimble fellow got tripped up as they were unfolding the tarp and the other guys didn't even notice - so he was left to his own devices to try and figure out which way was the right way to get out. Undoubtedly it was pitch black under there, as everyone in the crowd could watch this little bump in the tarp skittering back and forth trying to find the easiest way out. Eventually, one of the other groundskeepers lifted up one side of the tarp and shouted for the guy to guide him towards the light. But it wasn't really until they had already finished setting up the tarp. In a way, I wonder if this guy had done this on purpose, jsut to get out of having to work thetarp into position. When he emerged, he was cheered like a returning war hero - hysterical.
At today's game the incident of note was later and not as public. I went with my friend B.Da who had tickets. Upon arriving at our seats, they were two of four in a row next to this other couple. We sat in seats 2 and 3, figuring if the real owners of 1 and 2 showed up we'd just slide down to our seats - no harm, no foul, and we get to maintain a little personal space between me and the 17 year old kid sportin' the wad of Benjamins** who finds *nothing* more amusing than to yell "Here it comes!" to his girlfriend at *every* single foul ball hit all evening***.
More time passes...
By the time the 7th inning rolls around, I figure we're not going to have to move and start to get comfortable. Just then a lady and her little girl arrive to take their seats. I was a little surprised. I mean who would bother to show up to a game after 2/3rds of it is already over? but these two ordered nachos and cotton candy, and watched the game contentedly for a little over an inning.
Then they left.
Face value on the tickets was about $20 each - not including fees and taxes. So, this woman shelled out $50-60 for one inning of baseball and stadium dinner. That would average out to be over $500 for all 9 innings. B.Da and I just looked at each other in shock and awe. Must be nice to be able to throw money around like that.
The other highlight of the evening was a conversation we had upon her return from the ladies room:
B: I'm back!
G: I see, that was pretty quick, actually.
B: Augh, the ladies restroom is such an operation in palaces like this.
G: What - with all the undressing, dressing, coiffing, primping, applying, and bitching about the drunk moron who brought you here?
B: Pretty much, I hate it. I didn't even look in the mirror on the way out!
G: Wait, wait...you gals have *mirrors* in the bathrooms?
Of course, I realize now (after visiting said facilities myself) that men's rooms also have mirrors. But I had never needed one before, and I can't recall ever seeing someone at a Cubs game doing so either - so I think I subconciously erased it from my memory of said bathrooms. Funny how selective memory can be so convincing sometimes.
I think this is why I would make a bad juror or character witness. Good thing I don't know any criminals.
* Or possibly *more* well equipped, if you were talking about preparing for a long siege and would have no food for a week
** But who conveniently doesn't realize one is supposed to tip the hot dog guy who hauled his ass up to you with the warmer to hand-deliver a dog out of the goodness of his soul