For the last few days I’ve been experiencing a new part of my life – insomnia. This has never been a problem for me before in my life, but for the last couple days it’s been taking me hours to fall asleep at night and I keep waking up at 4 in the morning and not being able to fall back asleep. That, coupled with uncomfortable dreams* has made it tough lately. My doctor** yesterday asked me whether being on Sudafed for almost 10 days was making me edgy or keeping me up at night. And since I had only had one bad night at that point I said no. But tonight I think I’ll skip it and see if that helps.
Or, maybe my problem has nothing to do with my medications – perhaps it has everything to do with my choice of sleepwear! Here I thought a t-shirt and boxers was comfy, but I never knew that they would leave my immortal soul exposed to the devil’s influence whilst I sleep. Perhaps I should invest in a set of “Armor of God PJs”, which would not only help me stave off Satan’s doings in my dreamland but also make me oh-so irresistible to the GF. Who says sexy lingerie is only for the ladies?
If that doesn’t work I think perhaps I just need to get my physical activity back up to where it was earlier this year. Nothing makes you sleep better than a good workout, right? I think I’ll head over to the gym for a bit after work today. If that doesn’t work then I’ll consider working with Wrestling for Jesus to really crank up the adrenaline. Still, don’t you think having Christ as your jobber would only make everyone in the audience turn against your wrestlers?
If I’m still not sleeping regularly, maybe I’ll need to consider changing to a less stressful line of work. For instance, teaching Sunday School. I hear that a position has recently opened up, and it looks like the only qualification is that you have testicles! One wonders what this guy would do if her were pulled over by a female police officer for speeding. Presumably, she wouldn’t take it well when he told her she “must be silent” because she can’t “have authority over a man”.
So, in closing I give a big thank you to the religious right for teaching us all how to laugh…and love…and supplying an endless bounty of bloggable material when we’re running on 5 hours sleep from the night before. Woot.
* Not scary enough to be nightmares, but not pleasant enough to enjoy. For instance last night I dreamt that I was accused of taking my own socket wrench from some guy’s repair shop. I tried to show him that it was a Husky brand (a consumer brand sold by Home Depot) but he was all suspicious that I knew so much about hand tools – clearly I was a professional thief who knew what I was doing. Damn my job for giving my subconscious a pervasive knowledge of hand tools.
** Who I stopped in to see only to discover that my cold had evolved into a sinus infection – the 6th straight time that has happened. Now he wants me to get a CAT scan to check whether something is wrong with my sinuses. Sigh…this is so not what I meant when I said I wanted a mutant power…