Monday, September 25, 2006

So, the "secret" is they're actually wearing underwear?

Apparently, Victoria’s Secret is in the middle of an advertising blitz on the web lately. Maybe they are trying to tap into a nascent market of young single guys checking their web-mail accounts by buying every conceivable inch of available banner ad space on MSN and Yahoo. Regardless of the reason why, the one product that they have all been hyping is their new IPEX bra*. If you somehow haven’t been on the internet in the past three weeks, the whole point of IPEX is that it uses advanced design, space-age materials, and “laser technology” to build a bra that is almost invisible under women’s clothes.

When I saw this in one of their tv commercials my confusion was complete. And it’s not limited to just over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders. Victoria has been on the leading edge of the thong revolution for years, fighting along side such lingerie patriots as Sisqo and the entire female population of Brasil in their “War on Unsightly Panty Lines”.

Now, my understanding is that most women view girls who “go commando” as only slightly less whore-ish than a full-fledged prostitute. And as evidence has shown, by and large, they are correct**. That said, why do women denounce those who shun foundation garments, only to turn around and buy ones that make them appear to be just as underwearless as the selfsame jezebels they decry? Hypocrisy, thy name is Victoria…

Honestly, I blame Girls Gone Wild for this. Of course I also blame them for high oil prices, Ann Coulter, people who cut me off on my way to work, stubbed toes, and my body’s inability to produce its own melanin***. Sure, I could try and actually do something about these problems, but being an American my instinctive response to to assign blame to some outside scapegoat, and then go about my business. It’s so much easier…

* I haven’t actually clicked this link, but copied the link from one of the banner ads. It’s probably NSFW for guys, but perfectly acceptable for women – in another of life’s little unfair-ities.
** e.g. the “compromising” pictures of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan getting out of their low-slung sports cars floating around the internet. Maybe there is one good thing about SUV’s…
*** Try it yourself sometime, you can pin anything that’s bothering you on GGW and you’ll feel much better about the whole thing.

3 comments:

towwas said...

I wouldn't say going without underwear is whoreish. But you'd have to do a lot more laundry that way.

J.Bro said...

Fortunately, my bazooms are so perky that I can go commandette and people on the street are all like, "Oohhh - Ipex!" Really, it's the best of both worlds.

Eve said...

No, no, no... MUSt have panties. Sorry. Air, food, shelter, panties.