Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The founding fathers never thought we'd become this stupid, obviously

I know, when the city councilman in Charleston spoke up promoting the idea of forced sterilization for bad parents, we all recoiled in horror, saying “What ever could someone do that would justify such an action?” Then you read about incidents like this and wonder why it isn’t in the Constitution. Or at least the Bill of Rights.

Come to think of it, perhaps it is time for an alternative to the Bill of Rights. Let’s face it, the Bill of Rights just lists out the rights that all Americans have – making them public knowledge and putting them in writing to lend legal weight. But since our fellow citizens seem so darn determined to embrace idiocy in all it’s most base forms, I propose we add a second section where we list out all the rights Society has to put the Average John Q. Public back in line. I would call it the Bill of “Yeah, Right’s” – as in “Oh, you think you can get away with using your baby as a bludgeoning weapon because you say it was a ‘mistake’? Yeah, right!”

Here are my Suggested Articles for inclusion.

  1. The people shall have the right to discipline unruly children if they are causing a scene in a public place – provided that at least three parties agree it is needed.

  2. The people shall have the right to hang up other people’s cell phones if the talker is being obnoxious

  3. The people shall have the right to veto new television shows* with their cable or satellite provider, so that the provider would not be allowed to broadcast it into the person’s home. That time could then be filled with re-runs of MacGuyver, Arrested Development, and The Man Show**.

  4. The aforementioned right to decide when certain individuals have done enough damage to society via their reproductive organs

  5. The right of society to throw out lawsuits brought by idiots before they reach the courtroom and cost society any money. We could vote on them over the internet each week.

Any other suggestions? Strangely enough, the more I think about this, the more I like the idea…

* My first veto would go to the atrocity that is “The War At Home”
** The original with Jimmy and Adam, I’d use my second veto on any episodes with Joe Rogan and that other guy.

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