Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Because I like to offer a hand to my illegal alien friends

Given how much farther south Las Vegas is than Chicago, I was confident that the sun would set later in the day than it does back home. So I wasn't expecting to go out and walk the strip until after dinner. So as promised I made my way down to the Casino to kill some time until dark. I played a slot machine and turned my $10 into $40 in about 15 minutes. Turns out gambling isn't that hard! Seriously, how in the heck do these places afford to build such expensive hotels if they keep giving money away to everyone who comes and sits down for a while? It's a mystery...

After cashing out I walked out and headed north along the strip to go see the water shows at the Belaggio* and the Mirage. While the Belaggio show was great** the Mirage was really disappointing. Sure, it was a ncie lake and all - there were even a pair of ducks hanging out in the lagoon. Since I didn't know when the show started, I just hung out waiting for it to start. For some reason***, all the European tourists came up to me to ask when the show starts. I was honest, but spent about 45 minutes waiting for something to happen. When the show did start - it was a major disappointment. I waited 45 minutes to listen to 10 minutes of bird sounds and then watch the volcano "erupt" for 3 minutes? I wish I'd made my way up to TI for the pirate show instead.

I also walked through some other casinos to get my bearings. The Belaggio and Venetian are *stunning*. It's crazy how big and over-the-top they are. More on that experience when I can post pictures of my camera.

When it got to about 8:00 I made my way back. Now, before doing so I said that I would accept whatever anybody handed to me. I did this because for the whole way up there were these guys snapping little collector cards at me which I had refused because I was sightseeing. But I figure they are probably just trying to do a job and are getting paid to hand out 1000 cards or so. So the only thing keeping them from being able to go home and spend quality time with their son was my refusing their offerings. And since all boys need positive male role models in order not to become criminals, I owed it to Las Vegas to prevent a couple dozen boys from slipping down that slope by taking as many cards as possible.

For the record, I got 34 cards just on the way back, including duplicates of "Keira" and "Taylor" and triples of "Jess" and "Alexis"****. Now, all I have to do is devise some rules and I'll have enough cards to have my own little Porno-Pokemon game*****! Then I'll have grown men freaking out over finally finding a "Heidi and Lola" doubles card - just like this kid, except older.

Off to the trade show!

* Totally awesome, I actually stopped to watch it on the way back too.
** And made me feel like I was hanging out with George Clooney at the end of Ocean's 11
*** Perhaps because my glasses make me look like a German intellectual
**** I find it interesting that pictures of naked women are verboten, but handing out pictures of naked women with tiny little stars positioned over their naughty bits are okay to be handed out on the street.
***** Emphasis on the "poke".

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I too loved the show at the Belaggio. And I agree the Belaggio and Venetian are totally neat. However, I'm not a big fan of the MGM Grand. That's probably due to the fact that I got lost in it, and couldn't get out. When I did get out, I was in some alley, and almost had to scale a fence to get back on the strip.

towwas said...

Your glasses totally make you look like a German intellectual. Well, just a German, really, I don't even think those crazy frames are limited to intellectuals.

Kay said...

Ditto on the fountains -- I thought they were amazing, too. Not so crazy about the Treasure Island show. Amazing how many people took their kids to see a bunch of pirate hookers...

The Phoenix said...

I'm hoping more adults are keeping their kids at home. The last time I was in Vegas, I was thrown back by how many kids were running around at 2 AM

nwg said...

You're in Vegas?! Oh Grrrr... I'm jealous.

I, too, love the fountains. Every trip, we sit there show after show.

Have fun and give my regards to Vegey!

After all, Elmo seems equally disinterested in both...

I have a hard time believing that Elmo was traumatized by Katy Perry's decollatage after discovering that he had already "been arou...