American Choppers

Earlier this week I went in for my regular dentist appointment. After going through three different dentists who either disappeared mysteriously* or turned out to be sadistic fascists** I think I've finally found one that isn't awful. Of course 99% of the entire dental experience boils down to the hygenist. The perfect hygenist for me is high energy, laughs at my jokes, and doesn't use her scrapers like she's scraping burned eggs out of a skillet. And my hygenist at this new dentist is a winner on all fronts.

We even bonded a little over the tv, which is playing in every exam cubicle, as we watched "10 Years Younger" on one of the Discovery networks and were commenting on how the dentists all seem to insist that the world needs porcelain veneers - even 40-year old truckers with no upper teeth.

But not everything is perfect in my mouth. I've had a sensitive tooth for about 6 months now and even two full tubes of Sensodyne haven't been enough to set things back to right. So now I've been kicked up to prescription toothpaste! I was kind of excited when I heard about it. I mean, $24 toothpaste must not only clean my teeth, but cause dramatic weight loss, restore my hairline, cut two interest points off my mortgage, and fix the dent in my bumper. Turns out it just has more fluoride than regular toothpaste. Even more disappointing? It's made by Colgate. Sheesh, it doesn't even have a sexy-cool name like "Superteeth" or "Gumguard". Oh well, at least she laughs at my jokes.

But you know, come to think of it - I didn't even see my dentist when I was in, which I didn't realize until I started writing this. Sheesh.

* Dentist #1
** Dentist #2