Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I'm sooo glad I have healthy teeth!

Admittedly, things have been kinda quiet around these parts for the past week or so. With the prep work for my presentation this week, to digging my way out of the mountain of catch-up reading and non-presentation-related work that I'd been putting off the the past few weeks - it's left little time for blogging.

One of the more unpleasant things about my job is one of the trade magazines I have to read - a dental products publication. In this magazine I'm treated each month to the sort of images only a dental professional should be exposed to. Broken teeth, teeth ground down to little nubs to prep them for veneers, horrible images of gum disease, you name it. Not an issue goes by where I don't flip a page only to stumble on some truly frightening and disgusting image that makes me want to floss once every hour.

But I keep reading, because in addition to disturbing mandibular machinations, there are also interesting dental products that I (as a non-dental professional) find extremely amusing. Sure, there are dozens of ads for various "whitening" products. But the great ones are like these:

First, I present the "Clentchstrap". It's designed, not as an implement of torture* but as a tool to train your teeth to prevent Bruxism while you sleep. Bruxism, for those of you who are not dentists, is the technical term for grinding your teeth. The strap attaches to the lower jaw, and the other end is then attached to an elastic band that is strapped around your chest.

Looks completely comfortable, no? I don't know why anyone would feel uncomfortable wearing a tight strap around your lungs. Isn't this why women don't sleep in bras?

The other great one that I saw today was the "Optra Gate Junior. If you were a dentist, I'd imagine the sales pitch woudl go something like this: "Like working with kids and charging obscene amounts for orthodonture, but hate their lips? Try the new "Baby Skeletor"!

Is it just me, or does this kid look *waaaaayyyy* too happy considering that the dentist has made his lips disappear completely? Maybe he's just thinking how cool he must look now that he looks like a baby Predator:



Either way, I think I'll keep reading.


* Despite looking exactly like something straight out of Abu Gahraib.

3 comments:

towwas said...

Dentistry! I love dentistry! I met someone the other day who has a genetic thing in her family where they make no enamel. So all she's got is little nubs of dentin. She's in the process of getting them all covered up with crowns, but she showed me some of the original teeth that aren't covered yet. Pretty impressive.

grrrbear said...

OMG those pictures are the *worst*. I mean, you have these pictures of perfectly normal looking people in the "before" shot, followed by a picture of the same person a few minutes later. Only this time instead of teeth, they look like they are wearing Gollum's dentures. Then, typically, there is a picture #3 showing the person with their new veneers. Veneers that make them so happy that they cannot stop smiling and therefore blind all their friends like the X-man Cyclops if he ever lost his special visor-thingy.

Sophist said...

baby skeletor boy looks like something out of "Clockwork Orange."

After all, Elmo seems equally disinterested in both...

I have a hard time believing that Elmo was traumatized by Katy Perry's decollatage after discovering that he had already "been arou...