Tuesday, April 03, 2007

How exactly does one go from directing Playboy videos to producing "Armageddon"?

After my rant against re-makes of pop culture of my youth yesterday, I did some looking around to see just how widespread my anti-remake tendencies had spread. After all, the re-make of Hairspray is only one film - and hey, I haven't even *seen* the first one. Maybe my concerns were all overblown.

Admittedly, this whole thing started because I saw this video on Youtube. I was shocked at first, not only because I sort of feel like Alanis has taken a bubble-slut pop song and sort of turned it into a ironic, sorta-feminist anthem simply by slowing it down, but also because I felt no rage-response.

So if I wasn't filled with outrage from remakes of music, maybe television had hope too? Sure, Dukes of Hazzard was a waste of film stock, but maybe hope was on the horizon! I had been looking forward to the new Transformers Movie since I first heard it was coming out several years ago. But after looking over the new Transformers Movie Website, I think I'm slipping back into rage. The producers signed an agreement with GM to include the latest GM models as the new Autobots - meaning that once again, Hollywood has completely screwed up a perfectly good story. The autobot Jazz and Ratchet used to transform into a Porsche and an ambulance, respectively. Now, they will transform into a Pontiac Solstice and a Hummer H2 "Rescue vehicle". Even worse, the character of Bumblebee has been changed from a VW Beetle into an classic Chevrolet Camaro. How ridiculous is that? The whole point of Bumblebee is that he was the geeky transformer-hero for junior-high nerdboys, not some James-Dean-esque mystery sex-symbol robot!

Dammit Michael Bay! First you ruin World War II and now you screw up my childhood on a whim before dashing off to screw up Hitchcock. Nice work, douchebag*.

* Speaking of which, what exactly does one need to do be a "consultant" on Indecent Proposal? Be an expert in soliciting sex from economically disadvantaged married women?

2 comments:

Spice said...

I think the Alanis video didn't produce rage because it takes something that's 'now' and turns it into something from 'then' - I felt like I was transported straight back to 1995! The remake rage is rooted in not wanting to take something from 'then' and turn it something from 'now.' For example, in the new remake of the Care Bears, one of them is scowling. This is just wrong - Care Bears need to be sickeningly sweet and happy! Changing the Transformers? Also wrong. I think they need to either let today's kids have their own stuff (rather than modified versions of Gen X stuff) or actually bring back the old stuff.

grrrbear said...

I agree with all of your points except the one about the Care Bears. Don't you remember Grumpy Bear? He was scowling all the time even back in the 80's, which was the only reason I thought he was cool. Sure, he was light blue and plush, but you knew that if you pushed him too far he'd bust out a shank and CUT you man!

Of course, in College this evolved into a script I wrote for a playwrighting class where Tenderheart Bear became a raging alchoholic, which eventually led to the downfall of the entire Care Bears organization which many of them died violent deaths in an epic "final battle" sort of Care Bear mythology.

It was all very Ragnarok.