Monday, April 09, 2007

Your mama's so fat when she puts on her BVD's they spell out "Boulevard"!

Over the weekend I finally broke down and made the move to HDTV. This was not so much a surprise shift in my preferences as it was a reflection on the fact that I finally found someone who would take my old television and help me move it out of my living room. You see, my old Sony Trinitron VEGA was about 40” wide overall and weighed in at around 250-300 pounds – making it impossible for me to move by myself. So when my friend showed up with her boyfriend to help me carry it out I was feeling pretty confident. Naturally, my evil television used some sort of mutant power to effect gravity when it sensed that they had come to take it away from me* and even though I thought the two of us could move it pretty easily it still was the most horrific moving experience I’ve been through. I am now sort in places I never knew I had muscles, and am now wondering if I didn’t pull something or possibly even rend my bicep in ‘twain.

Of course, all that was secondary once I had returned from Circuit City with my new 46” Samsung LCD TV. Of course, before I could hook it up, I needed to assemble the “some assembly required” stand that had been on sale. That’s when I discovered why it was on sale – the mounting holes on the back legs had been welded incorrectly at the factory, so they wouldn’t align properly with the shelves on the one side. Being a man, however, I was not going to let a simple thing like misplaced holes get in my way – I got out my cordless drill and re-lived the Industrial Arts glory days of my junior-high youth. Two sorta-well drilled holes later** I had assembled the stand. And it only took me another hour to figure out how to wire everything up. At that point I was all set up with only aching muscles, one pencil-eraser-sized gash on my thumb, and a living room covered with Styrofoam bits and metal shavings. Sure, my living room was a death trap for toddlers, but that was quickly resolved with a few swipes of a vacuum.

So what’s the first program that I watched on the new TV, you ask? Russ Meyer’s “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls” - a.k.a. "BVD" to cult-movie lovers. Yes, the picture wasn’t as good as it would be once I get my new cable box*** but in general it was still watchable. And for a first movie to watch, it was pretty guy-awesome: gratuitous nudity, drug use, excessive use of 1960’s catchphrases****, more nudity, crazy hippie-costumes, excessive violence, and boobs on a weird androgynous record producer. Nothing but absolute camp/cult-classic gloriousness. Even the GF loved it!

* What can I say? My electronic gadgetry forms very strong emotional bonds with me – unfortunately for them it’s usually not reciprocal.
** So much for “measure twice, drill once”…
*** Yeah, remember how it took me an hour to wire it all up? I had to undo it all last night because I need a new cable box to get HDTV programming. Friggin’ Comcast…
**** e.g. “This is my happening and it freaks me out!”

2 comments:

J.Bro said...

That's quite some trust you're placing in your holes. Is the HDitation worth it, do you think? To someone, say, like me, who is (or has deluded himself into being) content with a TV his wife bought in college ten years ago? Or am I holding out needlessly, like I did with my ipod, only to later kick myself for not adopting the technology sooner?

I can't say I've ever had the BVD experience. I can't imagine either Mel or M.Bro would enjoy it, but it sounds like the kind of thing I need to have done, even if it's by myself.

grrrbear said...

As for whether to move over or not, you're probably still fine sticking with what you've got. At some point you'll want to make the move, but there's no need to do it now. Read today's post (above) for more details.

As for BVD - honestly, with the exception of some particularly violent scenes (which to a SFX-geek like myself are laughable in themselves) the GF loved the movie, and I didn't think she would like it at all. But she thought the campy nature of it was hysterical - and she's right.

After all, Elmo seems equally disinterested in both...

I have a hard time believing that Elmo was traumatized by Katy Perry's decollatage after discovering that he had already "been arou...