These *are* dirty pillows

All right, I'm officially frightened. Well, now some crazy person has invented another pillow designed to look like the dismembered torso of a man in a blue oxford shirt. I'm not exactly sure what is more disturbing, the fact that it exists, the fact that Amazon is selling it, or the ad copy that they use to describe it's selling points:

"Feel the embrace of a real man without the snoring, smell, tossing or turning"

• Yeah, because real boys are stinky!

"Feel his safe and warm embrace while comfortably resting on his chest"

• What do you mean "safe"? You feel safe sleeping on an armpit-shaped pillow? It's a pillow, for cryin' out loud! What, like it's going to protect you in the event an intruder comes into your bedroom? What's it going to do, leap up and arm wrestle the guy to death? IT'S A PILLOW!!!!

"You will love how this boyfriend arm pillow is so soft and warm, and the way that he wraps around you and holds you all through the night with out saying a word...as if he knows exactly what you want"

• So, what you want is a guy with no brain who will just lie there and say nothing - nice standards...

And I thought the girlfriend lap pillows were bad.