Thursday, July 26, 2007

If all lawyers are idiots, and this guy is a lawyer, then...

All right, as much as I want to completely ignore the latest saga in Lindsay Lohan’s slow descent into the spiral of irrelevance* I cannot help but notice that apparently Hollywood has nobody in the area who is smart enough to actually help people get their lives turned around.

I know this because while reporting the story, the AP quoted a “Century City [California] defense attorney who's also a certified drug and alcohol counselor” named Barry Gerald Sands who shared his opinion about LiLo’s current “situation”:
"Whatever you have done in the past, do a 360-degree turn and go the other way," Sands said Wednesday. "She has to change her alleged friends, people sharing or selling her drugs. She has to lead a clean and sober life.”

Of course, my readers are all so brilliant that you spotted the problem with that statement immediately, but if you’ve just stumbled across this story while searching for images of Princess Leia in the slave outfit** I’ll explain. You see, in order to completely turn one’s direction around (to facilitate going in the complete opposite direction) it is necessary to do a 180-degree turn, not a 360-degree turn. Doing the 360 would result in your continuing to travel in exactly the same direction, only you’ve spun in a complete circle, which is probably not what you wanto do when you’re trying to convince people that you are, indeed, not drunk off your butt.

* The way I see it, in the Episode of “True Hollywood Story: Lindsay Lohan” we’re at the point where either she begins her inspiring life turnaround on her way to winning three best actress Oscars or we’re about a month or two before she’s dead of an overdose. 50/50 either way at this point.
** True fact – my hits from people looking for that caused traffic to pretty much triple last week, and I only posted the link to the picture. Go figure.

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