Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Maybe he just hates trees

On my way into work I found myself behind a car in traffic. This, in itself is not a particularly noteworthy event, but what stuck me as odd was the fact that this car had at least six and possibly as many as 15 of those pine-tree air fresheners dangling from his rear view mirror. There were so many of them, in fact, that the individual shapes of each one became loss in a large, multi-colored mass of pointy-things. Frankly, it looked like a depressed hedgehog performance artist had covered himself in a variety of shades of paint and hung himself from the mirror.

This was weird enough in itself, but it got me thinking about the reasons why this person felt it was necessary to use so many air fresheners at the same time.

  • He is a zombie, and needs the overwhelming power of the air fresheners to hide his undead status from the girls he meets on e-harmony.
  • He’s kind of gassy, and so much fresh pine scent serves as a screen – allowing him to fart as much as he likes without his passengers even noticing
  • He’s a complete lazy-ass, and removing the old pine tree would be “too much work and stuff”
  • He’s delusional, and believes that as long as his car *smells* like “New Car”, it *is* a new car. Even if it’s an ’83 Malibu – all it takes is MORE AIR FRESHENERS!
  • He’s into substance abuse, and the latest thing is huffing mass quantities of “Pine Forest” while driving.

Any other ideas? Otherwise I'm either going with the Zombie one or the Lazy-Ass...

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