Wednesday, December 05, 2007

First tooth's free. Second one's free if you bring a friend...

I know I've blogged about the ridiculousness of the market for children's crap before, but I think I may have found something that takes the cake - a keepsake tooth that stores all your child's baby teeth as they fall out and also serves as a piggy bank* for all the money they collect. Allegedly, it was created by "a sentimental Tooth Fairy" who wanted to give the children of earth a place to store their baby teeth after they were lost. The website also implies that it helps promote good dental hygiene because it "...can help The Tooth Fairy determine how much money to give for a fallen baby tooth**. A cleaner and whiter baby tooth will probably get more money."

Maybe it's just me, but I see a few "issues" raised by the existance of such a device:
  1. It implies that The Tooth Fairy is disorganized and sloppy. The website states that she invented the Tooth Bank so that "baby teeth will not get lost or misplaced in Tooth Fairy Land". So what happened to all *my* baby teeth that she took away when I was a kid? If she did have such poor business practices, how did she get enough profits to afford to give me a quarter for my first tooth? And how did that manage to grow to a dollar for my baby molar? I suspect that after doing this for thousands of years, the Tooth Fairy knows what she's doing. Frankly I woudn't be surprised if she sued this website for libel.
  2. Doesn't it send the wrong message to kids that The Tooth Fairy will judge your teeth before deciding how much to give you? What sort of black market tooth chop shop is she running? Why does the Tooth Fairy need to view it in a display stand to make that assessment anyway? Wouldn't she just look at it when she takes it from under your pillow?
  3. Most importantly - who in the heck wants to hang on to their old baby teeth in perpetuity? Isn't that the whole reason they fall out? Isn't that the whole reason for the Tooth Fairy to begin with? Aren't we supposed to be recycling those teeth? What will the Tooth Fairy do once her supply of raw materials dries up? Will she start pulling adult teeth while we sleep? Will I wake up one morning next summer in desperate need of dentures? Scary...
* "Toothy bank"?
** "Fallen"? What, are baby teeth like WWII veterans now?

4 comments:

The Phoenix said...

Yet another gimmick aimed at sentimental parents.

I saw wrapped up chocolate meant to look like lumps of coal. NOW THAT is a great invention!

J.Po said...

Oh my word, that tooth is SO HEINOUS! If I were a kid, I'd be frightened to lose a tooth because I'd have to touch the scary tooth bank.

J.Bro said...

I don't remember ever wondering *why* the tooth fairy wanted my teeth or *what* she planned to do with them, but now that I look back on it, the idea of a tooth fairy is frakking creepy. I have to assume she was making necklaces with my teeth.

grrrbear said...

That's funny J.Bro, I always thought they were used for important medical research at Tooth Fairy University.