Results
If you continue maintaining healthy habits, you'll want to plan for a maximum life expectancy of 93 years or more.
Your "ideal" weight for maximum longevity is: 158 lbs.The three biggest positive factors that you have going for you are:
1. Cholesterol level
2. Age of grandparents
3. Personality type
The one biggest negative factor that you have going for you is:
1. Gender
So apparently, the one thing standing between me and attending my great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter's wedding is my penis.
The worst thing about this "estimator" is that it gives no explanation for *why* my gender is the problem. This sort of casual factlessness is everywhere these days, and left me with no choice but to devise my own ultra-unscientific reasons why being a guy is going to kill me in a mere 63 years.
The most logical explanation is that I would be killed off by someone what did not share similar characteristics - therefore one could hypothesize that one of three things was trying to kill me: a woman, a hermaphrodite, or something completly genderless (e.g. amoebas, rocks, or ham sandwiches).
It didn't take long to rule out hermaphrodites because like unicorns, compassionate conservatism, and mesothelioma they don't actually exist. Rather, they are a construct designed to lure people into believing they can be found in the real world when in actuality they exist only on the less reputable portions of the internet.
As for the third group, I'm not concerned. I'm much too large for an amoeba to turn into a food vacuole. Rocks pose no problems here in the midwest because there are no cliffs or mountains for them to plummet from. This is not to say they couldn't hire some sketchy pilot to take them up to altitude but it's unlikely because they are all unemployed and therefore can't afford plane tickets. As for ham sandwiches, well, they may be quick enough to take down Mama Cass, but I'm a lot quicker and more elusive than she was.
So this leaves women as the only possible suspects in my early death. This just proves that all that research they're doing to replace sperm has an evil purpose. My only hope is to preserve my preternatural ability to open jars, fix things, and pick up heavy things. Which probably explains why I'll die at 93. By the time I get that old my back will be shot, jars will open themselves, and everything I know how to fix will be museum pieces.
Unless, of course, I become a cyborg.
Comments
I also wonder if I'm not a bit younger than the pool of people the quiz designers are expecting. Maybe that threw off my results.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4359898.stm
But then again, we boys did most of the polluting to get us here anyway. Maybe we're subconciously suicidal?!
If you continue maintaining healthy habits, you'll want to plan for a maximum life expectancy of 98 years or more.
Your "ideal" weight for maximum longevity is: 132 lbs.
The three biggest positive factors that you have going for you are:
1. Age
2. Gender
3. Diet
The two biggest negative factors that you have going for you are:
1. Family health
2. Exercise
Speaking of pollution, it's thought that compounds released from plastic (like in plastic water bottles) are making boys less boy-like. So if you want a child destined to be a manly man, don't drink out of plastic bottles. I type as I take a sip from a plastic bottle.
Sheesh, 98? 103? All of you are going to be way older than me when you die and in a strange way, that makes me feel better about my rock-and-roll lifestyle.
Of course, we're all going to be killed by bird flu anyway, so what does it really matter?