Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Yeah, it's got magic powers, all right

Sometimes I'm amazed by how much news I *don't* catch on an average day. For example, while researching witty answers* to Nowhere Girl's latest mini contest I stumbled across news about an amazing new toy revolution that Mattell came out with just in time for the release of Harry Potter and the Sorcer's Stone. In the midst of the veritable tsunami of costumes, coloring books, and action figures released in the merchandising blitz was a toy recreation of Harry's Nimbus 2000 Quidditch broom.

As you can see from the picture used to advertise it, this broom was the funnest toy ever invented. Hordes of young girls** swept into toy stores across the country, demanding that their desires for broom-play be sated. They loved all the features that were included:

  • The broom looks almost exactly like an actual broom! Except that you can't sweep anything, and it's about half the size of the brooms in the movie
  • The broom makes it's own whooshing sounds! Eliminating that annoying need to either imagine what it would sound like or - God forbid - make the sounds themselves
  • The stick part is *grooved* - not only for better gripping while snitch-chasing, but also to further heighten the real-broom experience!
But the biggest bonus feature of the toy Nimbus was that it had built-in vibrating action. No doubt this was designed to make it feel more like flying*** but the end result was that Mattell created the largest "personal massager" available on the market.

And, of course, that set off the Immorality Early Warning alarm of the morality police. First out of the gate were the Concerned Women for America****, issueing an alarming press release to warn women across the country that their daughters were being turned into jezebels by the witchcraft present in a fake broom. As word of this got out, it resulted in pranksters heading over to the Amazon site featuring the broom to post fake opinions that demonstrated the evil influences the "broom of lust" had on their daughters.

Of course, most of those opinions have since been removed - either because they are old or because Amazon got tired of the controversey. But you can still read them in the CWA release. For example - “Even my daughter’s friends enjoy playing with this fun toy. I was surprised at how long they can just sit in her room and play with this magic broomstick!!”

Priceless. One wonders why it isn't being bought by mothers across the country, but not for their kids...

* I couldn't actually remember any of the right answers, so I was shooting for witty, at least. It turns out the contest ended before I could find something.
** And femmy young boys in mom-jeans
***"Dude! I'm flying so fast the broom's *shaking*!"
**** Concerned that at any given moment, some woman, somewhere in America, may be having an unlicenced orgasm.

5 comments:

KC said...

I also missed out on this toy. I'm glad you wrote about it or I would never have known. Now to sneak over to ebay and see if I can find one for myself! (snicker)

Sophist said...

Yeah, I remember when this was going around on the e-mail fwd: circuit... So priceless. Plus the look on the little kid's face. And the best part was definitely the reviews, to the effect of "I bought it for my 9 year old son, but now my 16-year-old daughter won't give it back to him! I had to get another one! I didn't realize a magic broomstick could be such fun for all ages! Five stars!"

MKD said...

I hate to admit it, but I actually bought one of these things for my nephew at Christmas a few years back. He was probably about 7 at the time and was a HUGE Harry Potter fan, everything he got that year was Harry Potter. He thought I was the coolest Aunt ever for getting him that dumb thing. If you actually got to see one in person they were pretty cool - in a Harry Potter make believe sort of way.

J.Po said...

Your blog is so R-rated!

Eve said...

I HEARD about that!!

Those bitches are expensive on eBay.

I thought about getting my kids one... but was worried that I may become attached to it?! ;)

(I'm sick, sick, sick!!! Bad NWG!)