All right, the 17 year cicadas are back? Why is it that it just seems like they were “back” just a year or two ago? I distinctly recall seeing one with red eyes in my back porch at my current place, which means it couldn’t have been more than 3 years ago. Are there more than one wave of 17-year cicadas?
In other local news today, a man traveling with his mother on vacation to Turkey was arrested after telling security screeners at O’Hare that the penis pump he was carrying in his luggage was a bomb. Apparently, he preferred prison to having his mom learn that her son had issues with penis envy.
Okay, so you’re at the airport with your mom and they discover your “little helper”. I can think of hundreds of things that would sound more reasonable than “bomb”. For example, he could have told them it was a suction device for clearing clogged drains – because you never know how hairy the person was who had your hotel room before you. Or, alternatively, you could say that it a massage therapy device used to give the same results as massage cupping*
Anyway, I’m sure mom’s really proud now that her son’s in jail. At least he doesn’t use a penis pump.
* AKA “hickeys”. Seriously, how can cupping not give you massive ones all over your body? Do you see how far those things suck your skin in?
In other local news today, a man traveling with his mother on vacation to Turkey was arrested after telling security screeners at O’Hare that the penis pump he was carrying in his luggage was a bomb. Apparently, he preferred prison to having his mom learn that her son had issues with penis envy.
Okay, so you’re at the airport with your mom and they discover your “little helper”. I can think of hundreds of things that would sound more reasonable than “bomb”. For example, he could have told them it was a suction device for clearing clogged drains – because you never know how hairy the person was who had your hotel room before you. Or, alternatively, you could say that it a massage therapy device used to give the same results as massage cupping*
Anyway, I’m sure mom’s really proud now that her son’s in jail. At least he doesn’t use a penis pump.
* AKA “hickeys”. Seriously, how can cupping not give you massive ones all over your body? Do you see how far those things suck your skin in?
Comments
His new cellmate in the Chicago jail will be his new penis pump.
1. Yes, there are different sets of 17-year cicadas. The ones that came out two years ago to great public acclaim were from "Brood X" (there's a roman numeral system), which is the biggest brood, but there are a bunch of others.
2. When I was visiting Swallowed My Flea in Cambodia, we met some administrator at the university who had giant round hickeys all over - Flea explained it was some traditional medicine thing. So, yessirree, it leaves huge marks.
And re: cupping, I once saw a picture in a tabloid of Gwyneth Paltrow with cupping hickeys all over her back, and she was wearing a backless dress.