Monday, November 20, 2006

One last thing about Vegas...

Okay I'm back after a fun weekend full of adventures that I'll have to blog about a little later, probably tomorrow.

But, there are three things about Vegas that I wanted to bring up now that I have the ablity to post pictures from the trip...

1) Vegas is chock full of "Date or Daughter" moments. Witness what I was in front of me going down the escalator at the Venetian (click for details):



Now, it wasn't so bad when viewed from the front (I'm pretty sure she was a date...or one of the escorts from my deck of 34). Of course, this guy is probably some big honcho somewhere* so there's no way in heck I'm showing his face. I will give him credit though for being one of the few older dues who didn't succomb to #2...

2) Vegas is the last place on earth where toupees are still believed to work. Honestly, I saw hairpieces that were indistinguishable from roadkill. And it only got worse the farther I got into the trip, until it culminated in a double-whammy at the airport. Witness:



And what's worse, there was another guy who was even worse that got off the plane and escaped before I could break out the camera. It's a shame too because it was a beaut...now he's become like my sasquatch - little more than a report from a raving lunatic who was traumatized by the experience and therefore can't be a reliable source.

Finally, the last note from my trip...

3) Vegas has only about a dozen cabbies - and they are all the ones who were too racist/sexist to work in New York. Seriously, I've never waited in taxi queues like I have in Vegas. Here's the line waiting for me when I checked out on the way back to the airport:



It took me 45 minutes to get through it and I ended up splitting a cab with a young lady about my age from Canada who had flown in on business. She was an architect and was very nice. Of course, as soon as the cabbie saw we were speaking to each other he assumed we were a random hookup who had spent the last weekend going at each other like crazed viagara bunnies. He kept asking if we needed to stop by the wedding chapel on the way to the airport. It was mildly annoying to say the best, and we both pretty much stopped talking - our horror evident to everyone in the cab but him. When we let her off at the Air Canada terminal he told me "Sorry dude, I tried. I think she's a lesbian."

Then he waived off a group of Asian guys trying to get back to the main terminal** and dropped me off while telling me about how he learned all about other cultures in Vietnam, so he "knew what he was talking about".

Needless to say, I got out of the cab as quickly as I could before he could say any more words. I will say though, that he got me to the airport twice as fast as "Johnny B" from the ride in, who I am now convinced took me on the freeway because he recognized I was a first timer. Of course, when I go back in two weeks I'll be an experienced veteran. So I expect that the stories will be much less bloggable without much more identity-hiding.

* Likely with the mafia
** With the rejoinder "Stupid pencilnecks, if only they could find a way to make Asian women without needing Asian men".

4 comments:

J.Bro said...

"Sorry dude - I tried" is hilarious - like he's your wingman and your bigoted cabbie. To be fair, though, most Canadian architects (of either gender) are lesbians.

KC said...

I've only been to Vegas once and it was a very long time ago. I was 17 and with my parents on vacation. I walked through the lobby of the Stardust with my dad and I think people might have been guessing I was a "date" not a "daughter". Ugh.

Hey, how do I put pics in my post that people can click to see a larger version? What code did you use?

The Phoenix said...

When I was in Vegas two years ago, it was amazing how many kids were running around. I've heard they have worked to cut down on all that under-aged activity.

grrrbear said...

KC - I didn't use any special code as I'm not that tech-proficient. I just took the pictures at a really large size and then posted them as "small" on Blogger. I know, sort of a disappointment, but then, so was Vegas.

After all, Elmo seems equally disinterested in both...

I have a hard time believing that Elmo was traumatized by Katy Perry's decollatage after discovering that he had already "been arou...